If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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