I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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