garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
