used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
