Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
