I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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