I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
