only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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