3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
