I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
