Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
