I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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