Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Randomize
