So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
