Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
