Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
