Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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