??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
