matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
