I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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