I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
