but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You took a bar mat shot.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
