wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
