you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
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i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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