I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
