After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
