Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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