so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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