3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
