Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
