he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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