Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
