why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I could make wine with my vomit
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize