so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
