I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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