when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
