I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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