New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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