There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
