Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
