Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
