either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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