dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
