did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
