I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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