its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i think my tv is drunk
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
