I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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