we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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