you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
