He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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