when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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