He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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