Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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