talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
