pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
