You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
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Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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