I cannot find my penis.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
