I just made out with a guy for $7.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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