OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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