its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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