What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize